FOODZOR - Bean Tacos

Yesterday was Mother's Day - I think she had a lovely day, except that I had been captured by pirates on Saturday, and only made my daring escape today. Which is, incidentally, why my Saturday recipe is two days late.

So! Tacos! With beans in them.

You will need:
750g can of kidney beans
1 onion
1 small capsicum
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon sugar
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1 teaspoon ground cumin
pinch of chilli powder
2 cloves garlic
1 tablespoon of tomato paste

taco shells
avocado
cheese
tomato
lettuce


I'm getting fancy with the pictures...

OK, so dice the onion (ow my eyes) and crush the garlic, and fry together in a splash of olive oil for two or so minutes. Dice the capsicum, and add it. Add the seasonings now, let them fry together for a bit. When the capsicum's beginning to give up (and wouldn't you?), stir in the tomato paste. Drain the beans, and add them. Splash water in if it's getting too dry. Stir it all thoroughly and let the beans warm their toes. When they're hot, mash them roughly. Mwa ha! Vent the day's frustrations. Most cathartic. Taste and adjust the seasonings as necessary. This should be frankly savoury and delicious, and is also very good for nachos.


Man, I love easy food. The pirates adored how quickly I whipped this up for them. Even with my hands bound with strips of grisly old rags. And with the toppings, it's very good for keeping scurvy at bay! Heat the taco shells in the oven according to the directions on the packet (unless you make your own - if anyone does, I'd love to hear how it's done..). Grate the cheese, dice the avocado and tomato. Shred the lettuce, or not.

Bob's your uncle, as they say. (Why? Also: who is Larry and why is he so happy?)


And this is me and the kitchen reflected in the window, with town lights in the distance. And a tree. Deep!

FOODLULZ - Satay Stir Fry, and Do Oysters Feel Pain?

Yesterday was Saturday. A mild, clement day. The gentle autumnal breeze tenderly ran its fingers through the falling leaves. Suddenly, the rustling quietness of the day was pierced by a fell cry. It was like the crash of an ant's knees on the ground as it throws itself down to beg for mercy from the giant with the magnifying glass over its head. That, mixed with the voice of Fran Drescher. The gremlins were attacking.

They tied me up me with a boa constrictor and carried me to their grim fortress in the mountain. There they held me hostage, offering me nothing but brioche and lattes for sustenance. My cat had to make out a cheque for $46.90 to get me back. She assured me it wouldn't bounce, but she's quite bad at money-related dealings. I don't know what I'll do if it bounces. Do gremlins tend to accept PayPal for ransoms?

Anyway, that is why my Saturday recipe is a day late.

STIR-FRY! YUM! With three hidden controversies, and a tangent validating peanut butter.

You will need:
Various vegetables - my favourites to use are
Carrot
Mushrooms
Snow peas
Broccoli (this presents the first controversy. Broccoli is an unloved vegetable, but in this recipe, it absorbs the sauce in its bushy head and becomes very tasty indeed.)
Spring onion
Capsicum
Cabbage

Ketjap manis (Indonesian sweet soy sauce. Widely available here, don't know about elsewhere.)
Sweet chilli sauce (controversy two - one L or two?)
Peanut butter (preferably the freshly ground stuff you get at health food shops, but from the shelf is fine)
Oyster sauce (controversy three - to be explored below.)
Garlic - two cloves
Cashews
Rice or dried noodles

Tofu cut into small cubes and fried is also nice. Add it with the mushrooms if you use it.


Slice all your vegetables. In a frying pan or wok, heat a little canola oil. Crush the garlic and fry briefly. Add the hard vegetables - carrot, capsicum, broccoli etc. Anything that takes a bit longer to cook. Splash in some water, and simmer for a few minutes. Add a large spoonful of peanut butter.

(Note on the peanut butter, because I'm aware it may seem strange: this dish is Indonesian inspired. Ground peanuts are frequently used in Indonesian cookery - gado gado springs to mind. When ground, the peanuts form a smooth paste. Our peanut butter is simply made of this paste combined with oil, salt and sugar, which is why peanut butter makes a perfectly functional alternative to ground peanuts.)

With the peanut butter, add several tablespoons of ketjap manis and a splash each of sweet chilli and oyster sauce.

This bring me to controversy three. Oyster sauce for a vegetarian! I'm a vegetarian for ethical reasons: basically, I don't want to eat something that may have suffered, I don't want to support an industry which may cause suffering, and I don't want to support an industry which is so damaging to the environment (Google this if you're interested in the environmental aspect, which is not as often explored as the cruelty aspect, or read some people's thoughts here or here).

So - do oysters feel pain? I have researched this somewhat, and opinion seems to be divided. The most convincing argument I read is that while oysters do have a pain reflex, they lack the consciousness with which to experience pain. Therefore, no, they don't. So I use oyster sauce (which has a fractional amount of actual oyster in it, anyway) when cooking for others as well as for me, but not when it's just me. I am always interested in opinions on this, though, to help me expand my own.


Dun dun! Add the rest of the vegetables, and more water if necessary. Turn the heat to very low and add the cashews, stirring briskly so they don't catch. Cover and let it simmer, stirring occasionally. The sauce will thicken and reduce. Taste it. Adjust the sauces and peanut butter - it should be very savoury. Is it lush? It should be, by now.

In the meantime, cook the rice according to the directions. If you're using noodles, they usually only take a few moments, so wait til the stir fry (wait - is this a new controversy? Should stir-fry have a hyphen or not?) is ready before cooking them.

I used rice, which takes a while. So, as you do, I made an apple house!


I wanted to make a little person out of apple peel and put it inside, but the door fell off. :(

And the food!




For some reason, we had apple pie for dessert! Just peel about seven small cooking apples and simmer them in a splash of water and a few teaspoons of sugar. When they go soft, remove from the heat and drain the liquid off. Line a pie tin with a sheet of puff pastry, pile the apples in and seal them in with another sheet of pastry. Bake at 220 degrees celsius for about half an hour. Serve with runny cream and icing sugar. Totally vile. And by vile I mean really delicious. Superfluously delicious!

FOODWTF - Pizza

Basic pizza recipe time! This is how I've always made it. Had it tonight and it was tolerably lush.

This recipe will spawn two very good-sized pizzas. I have to wade through leftovers now when I open the fridge.



Did you know if you Google "waders" you get naked chicks? (Presumably, therefore, if you Google "naked chicks" you get fishermen in waders. Ah, symmetry.)

Dough:
3 1/2 cups of plain flour
1 1/2 cups of water
2 heaped teaspoons of yeast
1 teaspoon of sugar
1 teaspoon of salt

Tomato base:
800g tin of tomatoes (or thereabouts) (or the equivalent of fresh tomatoes if you're fancy)
2 onions
2 cloves of garlic
sprigs of parsley
springs of fresh oregano, or a teaspoon of dried
large tablespoon tomato paste
bay leaf
salt
brown sugar

Toppings:
mushroom
sun-dried tomatoes
olives
feta
parmesan (grated)
cheddar or mozzarella (also grated)
other nice stuff. Use your imagination (which is probably not grated)



Make the crust! Mix the dough ingredients together. Don't bother with putting the yeast in warm water with sugar or anything - just chuck it all artlessly together. Knead it on a lightly floured surface until it's smooth - about ten minutes. If you get sore elbows, take your mind off them by making rude shapes out of the dough for a while. You know you're never too old to fashion a kneaded knob. Or a pair of bready balls. Etc.

Splash a tiny bit of oil in a bowl for the dough to rise in, covered with a tea towel. Put it in a warm place for about an hour (until it's doubled in size).

You can use a bread machine to knead and rise (raise?) it if you have particularly dainty elbows. I definitely didn't use one and then pretend I hadn't for the purposes of the blog; I would never make a mockery of truth and goodness by taking the short cut then callously instructing you to knead.

Oh, it's only pizza dough. Stick it in the machine if you have one. Get some perspective.

(Are these the warning signs of a nervous breakdown?)

While it's rising, make the sauce.

Yep, that's sauce, all right. Dice the onions, crush the garlic and chop the herbs very finely. Sautee them together til the onion's transparent. Add the tomato paste. Add everything else. Simmer, stirring occasionally. Taste and adjust. Take it off the heat. Around this point, preheat the oven to 180 degrees celsius.

You can also use pesto instead of this tomato sauce - this too is acceptably delicious. Very nice with mushrooms.

Toppings!



Separate your dough into two halves. Lightly oil two baking trays. Spread the dough with your greedy little fingers to fill the tray in a thin layer. Spread with the tomato sauce. Heap on your chosen toppings. Cheese last. Bake for about half an hour, or until the cheese is golden and the base is cooked.




Watch some Boosh. Stronger than a moose!

Eat!




In related news, I just found a bit of onion in my hair.

In unrelated news, meet my new nemeses!

I just lost a filling to one of these minty monsters!

FOODZOR - Spinach Pie

Today is Saturday, and therefore recipegeddon, a.k.a. my self-assigned day for posting a recipe. This evening, I made spinach pie.

You will need:
2 sheets of frozen puff pastry (or, if you're hardcore, sufficient home-made puff pastry for a pie. I am not yet this hardcore)
1 onion
2-3 cloves of garlic
1 small pot of ricotta (usually about 250g - a bit more or less is fine)
Spinach or silverbeet - tonight I used 150g of baby spinach leaves, but err on the side of too much
Cheddar
Parmesan (optional)
Salt and pepper to taste


I didn't photograph the pastry. Short of putting jewellery on it, how can you make it look attractive?

So! Preheat your oven to 220 degrees Celsius (fan-forced). You can convert that here at this random thing I found.

Chop the onion quite finely. If you squash the garlic cloves with the flat of your knife, they'll be easier to peel. Crush them; or, if you don't have a garlic crusher, chop them very finely indeed. Saute the onion and garlic together in a bit of oil (preferably olive) until they're just becoming tender and clear. This should only take a couple of minutes. Stir in your spinach or silverbeet. If you're using silverbeet, tear it up. Add it gradually unless you're cooking in a bloody cauldron or you'll have no space to stir in. As soon as the leaves are wilted, remove the pot from the heat. Or the cauldron from the roaring fire.

Grate about about a cup of cheddar, and, if you're using it, two or three tablespoons of parmesan. In a bowl, mix it together with the ricotta. Add salt and pepper, and stir through the cooked spinach mix.


Food is gross! Also, if you get close enough, it all looks the same.

Grease a pie tin lightly with oil. If your tin has an apple inexplicably embossed on the base, as mine does, don't listen to its pleas for justice. It's getting spinach. Ignore its confused indignation. Muffle its cries of 'but I'm for apples' with a sheet of the defrosted pastry.


Fill the pie and cover it with the rest of the pastry. Fold the edges up, or if you're fancy like my mum, trim it and shape the excess into little decorative leaves for the top. Seriously. I ask you. Faced with the choice, she goes for pastry leaves over a pastry skull and crossbones.

Prick the pie with a fork, or the teeth of your vampire friend, if you happen to have one.


You can glaze it with milk or egg. I don't bother. Bake it in the preheated oven for 20 minutes, then decrease the temperature to 160 and cook it for another ten minutes, or until it's golden brown.

At this point, you may suddenly remember you haven't fed the cat. Do so guiltily.


Ahh! Pie! Your guilty conscience will be soothed by its pleasant aroma.


Serve it immediately. This pie goes really nicely with salad.

To make a basic salad dressing, combine 2 parts olive oil to 1 part balsamic vinegar in a clean jar. Add a couple of cloves of crushed garlic, and sugar. Shake well. Taste. You will probably need to add more sugar. Adjust it until it's delicious.

FOOD! Fettucine & Pesto

I've decided I need to give myself compulsory posting days to keep me updating regularly. So, Saturday is now FOOD Day. I'll post a new favourite recipe of mine every week. I'm a vegetarian, and I'll try to pop a vegan one in there every so often. :)

Tragically, I'm not very formulaic when I write about cooking - everything is sort of done by feel. So, here's a not-very-formulaic-but-delicious recipe for fettucine with pesto, presented in the form of interpretive dance! No wait I mean a montage. A photo montage.

For the pasta:
Eggs (free range - always! If you eat cage eggs, they will taste of despair.)
Pasta flour
Pasta machine

For the pesto:
Olive oil
Parmesan
Pine nuts (which are truly expensive here, so I used cashews)
Rocket or basil
Mortar and pestle or food processor

SEE?


So, this is how you make the pesto. You add very small amounts of each of the four ingredients to the mortar (or food processor) and crush them together, adding more of each as you go, tasting as you go. Do this until it looks like pesto. As for quantity, make sure there's a goodly blob for each person.




Now for the pasta! First of all, make sure you have the right flour. Don't use normal flour! No! Go to the shop and your INSTINCT will tell you which flour is the right flour. There will also be subtle clues, like it will have 'Pasta and Noodle Flour' written on the box.



Magic! That's the one! Now, crack four of your happy little free range eggs into a bowl. Add the pasta flour a handful at a time, stirring as you go. When it starts to clump, cast away the spoon. It's gone. Let it go. Use your hands. Keep mixing until it has a solid, slightly tacky texture. But only SLIGHTLY tacky - too wet and it won't roll. In my book, if you have with four eggs in there, your dough should be enough for three people.



And just so you know, the pineapple and zucchini in the background are irrelevant. There is no hidden pineapple and zucchini step here.

So now it's pasta machine time. Be aware. This is a two person job. Start on the first setting. Take half the dough. Roll it through. It will be lumpy and have holes in it. Fold it in half and roll it through again. Repeat this until it's starting to look smooth. Crank it up to the next setting and carry on rolling and folding. Then the next setting, and keep rolling it through, but don't fold it anymore. THEN, when it's getting REALLY smooth, crank it up to 5, which is the fettucine level.



Roll it through once or twice, then move it to the fettucine thing - if you have a pasta machine, you'll know where I mean. The bit that cuts the pasta into strands. Cut it in half and drape it over the back of a chair. Repeat the process for the second half of your dough.

We put ours over a chair on the table. Why? Because we have a dog with HUNGRY EYES.


You can't really tell in that picture, because apparently she was moving her face so fast it blurred, but trust me, she is a shifty creature.

Speaking of which, here's my little brother with the pasta, and our table chair in the background. I told him to smile, and this is the look he gave me. Sort of a conniving glower.



You see? Shifty creatures, both of them.

Now, bring some water to the boil in a large pot. Drop the fettucine in.


Why I have a picture of that, I don't know. Boil it for a couple of minutes. Really, only a couple. Don't overcook it! Fish a bit out with tongs and try it. When it's ready, drain it and toss it in a large bowl with all the pesto. Pour your finest goon (goon: also known as the cheap wine that comes in a box) into sparkling crystal glasses.


Yeah, class! Serve it up onto plate with the tongs. Commence eating.


If you don't have a pasta machine, buy yourself a packet of the nice stuff from a deli or somewhere to use instead. You know, dried egg pasta, or something like that.

Mmmm...I feel full.