FOOD! Fettucine & Pesto

I've decided I need to give myself compulsory posting days to keep me updating regularly. So, Saturday is now FOOD Day. I'll post a new favourite recipe of mine every week. I'm a vegetarian, and I'll try to pop a vegan one in there every so often. :)

Tragically, I'm not very formulaic when I write about cooking - everything is sort of done by feel. So, here's a not-very-formulaic-but-delicious recipe for fettucine with pesto, presented in the form of interpretive dance! No wait I mean a montage. A photo montage.

For the pasta:
Eggs (free range - always! If you eat cage eggs, they will taste of despair.)
Pasta flour
Pasta machine

For the pesto:
Olive oil
Parmesan
Pine nuts (which are truly expensive here, so I used cashews)
Rocket or basil
Mortar and pestle or food processor

SEE?


So, this is how you make the pesto. You add very small amounts of each of the four ingredients to the mortar (or food processor) and crush them together, adding more of each as you go, tasting as you go. Do this until it looks like pesto. As for quantity, make sure there's a goodly blob for each person.




Now for the pasta! First of all, make sure you have the right flour. Don't use normal flour! No! Go to the shop and your INSTINCT will tell you which flour is the right flour. There will also be subtle clues, like it will have 'Pasta and Noodle Flour' written on the box.



Magic! That's the one! Now, crack four of your happy little free range eggs into a bowl. Add the pasta flour a handful at a time, stirring as you go. When it starts to clump, cast away the spoon. It's gone. Let it go. Use your hands. Keep mixing until it has a solid, slightly tacky texture. But only SLIGHTLY tacky - too wet and it won't roll. In my book, if you have with four eggs in there, your dough should be enough for three people.



And just so you know, the pineapple and zucchini in the background are irrelevant. There is no hidden pineapple and zucchini step here.

So now it's pasta machine time. Be aware. This is a two person job. Start on the first setting. Take half the dough. Roll it through. It will be lumpy and have holes in it. Fold it in half and roll it through again. Repeat this until it's starting to look smooth. Crank it up to the next setting and carry on rolling and folding. Then the next setting, and keep rolling it through, but don't fold it anymore. THEN, when it's getting REALLY smooth, crank it up to 5, which is the fettucine level.



Roll it through once or twice, then move it to the fettucine thing - if you have a pasta machine, you'll know where I mean. The bit that cuts the pasta into strands. Cut it in half and drape it over the back of a chair. Repeat the process for the second half of your dough.

We put ours over a chair on the table. Why? Because we have a dog with HUNGRY EYES.


You can't really tell in that picture, because apparently she was moving her face so fast it blurred, but trust me, she is a shifty creature.

Speaking of which, here's my little brother with the pasta, and our table chair in the background. I told him to smile, and this is the look he gave me. Sort of a conniving glower.



You see? Shifty creatures, both of them.

Now, bring some water to the boil in a large pot. Drop the fettucine in.


Why I have a picture of that, I don't know. Boil it for a couple of minutes. Really, only a couple. Don't overcook it! Fish a bit out with tongs and try it. When it's ready, drain it and toss it in a large bowl with all the pesto. Pour your finest goon (goon: also known as the cheap wine that comes in a box) into sparkling crystal glasses.


Yeah, class! Serve it up onto plate with the tongs. Commence eating.


If you don't have a pasta machine, buy yourself a packet of the nice stuff from a deli or somewhere to use instead. You know, dried egg pasta, or something like that.

Mmmm...I feel full.