Saturday, April 25, 2009

FOODWTF - Pizza

Basic pizza recipe time! This is how I've always made it. Had it tonight and it was tolerably lush.

This recipe will spawn two very good-sized pizzas. I have to wade through leftovers now when I open the fridge.



Did you know if you Google "waders" you get naked chicks? (Presumably, therefore, if you Google "naked chicks" you get fishermen in waders. Ah, symmetry.)

Dough:
3 1/2 cups of plain flour
1 1/2 cups of water
2 heaped teaspoons of yeast
1 teaspoon of sugar
1 teaspoon of salt

Tomato base:
800g tin of tomatoes (or thereabouts) (or the equivalent of fresh tomatoes if you're fancy)
2 onions
2 cloves of garlic
sprigs of parsley
springs of fresh oregano, or a teaspoon of dried
large tablespoon tomato paste
bay leaf
salt
brown sugar

Toppings:
mushroom
sun-dried tomatoes
olives
feta
parmesan (grated)
cheddar or mozzarella (also grated)
other nice stuff. Use your imagination (which is probably not grated)



Make the crust! Mix the dough ingredients together. Don't bother with putting the yeast in warm water with sugar or anything - just chuck it all artlessly together. Knead it on a lightly floured surface until it's smooth - about ten minutes. If you get sore elbows, take your mind off them by making rude shapes out of the dough for a while. You know you're never too old to fashion a kneaded knob. Or a pair of bready balls. Etc.

Splash a tiny bit of oil in a bowl for the dough to rise in, covered with a tea towel. Put it in a warm place for about an hour (until it's doubled in size).

You can use a bread machine to knead and rise (raise?) it if you have particularly dainty elbows. I definitely didn't use one and then pretend I hadn't for the purposes of the blog; I would never make a mockery of truth and goodness by taking the short cut then callously instructing you to knead.

Oh, it's only pizza dough. Stick it in the machine if you have one. Get some perspective.

(Are these the warning signs of a nervous breakdown?)

While it's rising, make the sauce.

Yep, that's sauce, all right. Dice the onions, crush the garlic and chop the herbs very finely. Sautee them together til the onion's transparent. Add the tomato paste. Add everything else. Simmer, stirring occasionally. Taste and adjust. Take it off the heat. Around this point, preheat the oven to 180 degrees celsius.

You can also use pesto instead of this tomato sauce - this too is acceptably delicious. Very nice with mushrooms.

Toppings!



Separate your dough into two halves. Lightly oil two baking trays. Spread the dough with your greedy little fingers to fill the tray in a thin layer. Spread with the tomato sauce. Heap on your chosen toppings. Cheese last. Bake for about half an hour, or until the cheese is golden and the base is cooked.




Watch some Boosh. Stronger than a moose!

Eat!




In related news, I just found a bit of onion in my hair.

In unrelated news, meet my new nemeses!

I just lost a filling to one of these minty monsters!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

FOODZILLA - Stuffed Mushroom Pancakes

Saturday is supposed to be the day I post recipes, but I didn't have time yesterday. So, just before the Thought Police come and take me away, I thought I'd post it today.

Now, this recipe is for pancakes filled with a tasty mushroomy mixture.

For the pancakes:
1 1/2 cups of milk
1 cup of plain flour
2 eggs

For the filling:
250g of mushrooms (any variety - but brown is best. Just squint 'til the undeniably white mushrooms in the pictures look brown)
Two large handfuls of baby spinach leaves
1/4 cup cooking sherry
two tablespoons of cream
one tablespoon of cornflour
150ml of water
250ml of veggie stock, or 1-2 veggie stock cubes dissolved in water
small amount of flour
1 bunch of spring onions
2-3 cloves of garlic, crushed
1 cup of walnuts, roughly chopped
2-3 fresh sage leaves, or a teaspoon of dried sage

I got daunted at the thought of taking a photo of all that, so instead I give you a small ingredient delegation:



Preheat your oven to 170 degrees celsius. (Fan forced.)

Firstly, make your pancakes. Whisk up the flour, milk and eggs.

Hmm, eggy! Whisk it better than that. Ladle small amounts of the mixture at a time into a hot greased frying pan. You should make nine or 10 from - make them very thin - as thin as you can! Think Calista Flockhart. (Not that she would eat these. She might stop being 2-D.)


Mm, blurry pancakes! Pile them up, separating them with baking paper. Set them aside. Explain you still love them etc.

Now, in a saucepan, saute in olive oil the spring onion and garlic. Add the sage and walnuts and fry a bit. Add the flour. Turn down the heat somewhat.


Add the spinach leaves and put the lid on the saucepan for a few minutes to let them wilt. Add the mushrooms: stir. Add the sherry. Discreetly swig from the bottle. It is not very nice.

Now, in a bowl, mix the water, cornflour and cream. Pour this interesting slurry into the mushroom mixture. As it cooks, it will thicken. Nice! After it has thickened somewhat, add the vegetable stock. Boil a little, then simmer - you want to reduce the liquid. (Jedi mind trick: you WANT to reduce the liquid.) The sauce should be quite thick. Taste it and adjust accordingly. Use salt and pepper if you must.


This takes a while to simmer down, so I was at a loss. Therefore, I whipped up a quick art installation in the kitchen. I call it "Dreams." (Either that or "Broken Ascension.")


Don't be intimidated. Let it speak to you.

After the art appreciation, and the sauce has thickened, place 1/10th of the filling in the middle of each pancake and fold it up around. Put them in a baking dish, folded side down. Sprinkle with a bit of grated parmesan if the mood grabs you. Bake them for about half an hour, until they're hot and golden.

And check it out! Proper wine!


Serve with a simple salad.


My mother described that photo as 'positively obscene.' I maintain that food is gross.

The Thought Police are here. Must convey my innocence with interpretive dance.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Wallaby

I found a dead wallaby at the side of the road today as I was walking home. So sad, and quite a rare occurrence in town. Its head looked crushed, which is actually a good thing, because it probably means it died very quickly and didn't suffer.

Anyway, I went a little way past it then remembered you're supposed to check the pouch of native roadkill for live young. So I went back and dutifully had a look, and was confronted by a pair of furry testicles. When is that not a relief, as the actress said to the archbishop. So, it was sad, but not as sad as it could have been.

I remembered because once a friend of mine checked a dead pademelon and found a joey. Aww. :( Roadkill makes me glad I don't drive! I know sometimes you can't help but hit something.

I decided not to take a photo. I thought that might have been a bit invasive.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

FOODZOR - Spinach Pie

Today is Saturday, and therefore recipegeddon, a.k.a. my self-assigned day for posting a recipe. This evening, I made spinach pie.

You will need:
2 sheets of frozen puff pastry (or, if you're hardcore, sufficient home-made puff pastry for a pie. I am not yet this hardcore)
1 onion
2-3 cloves of garlic
1 small pot of ricotta (usually about 250g - a bit more or less is fine)
Spinach or silverbeet - tonight I used 150g of baby spinach leaves, but err on the side of too much
Cheddar
Parmesan (optional)
Salt and pepper to taste


I didn't photograph the pastry. Short of putting jewellery on it, how can you make it look attractive?

So! Preheat your oven to 220 degrees Celsius (fan-forced). You can convert that here at this random thing I found.

Chop the onion quite finely. If you squash the garlic cloves with the flat of your knife, they'll be easier to peel. Crush them; or, if you don't have a garlic crusher, chop them very finely indeed. Saute the onion and garlic together in a bit of oil (preferably olive) until they're just becoming tender and clear. This should only take a couple of minutes. Stir in your spinach or silverbeet. If you're using silverbeet, tear it up. Add it gradually unless you're cooking in a bloody cauldron or you'll have no space to stir in. As soon as the leaves are wilted, remove the pot from the heat. Or the cauldron from the roaring fire.

Grate about about a cup of cheddar, and, if you're using it, two or three tablespoons of parmesan. In a bowl, mix it together with the ricotta. Add salt and pepper, and stir through the cooked spinach mix.


Food is gross! Also, if you get close enough, it all looks the same.

Grease a pie tin lightly with oil. If your tin has an apple inexplicably embossed on the base, as mine does, don't listen to its pleas for justice. It's getting spinach. Ignore its confused indignation. Muffle its cries of 'but I'm for apples' with a sheet of the defrosted pastry.


Fill the pie and cover it with the rest of the pastry. Fold the edges up, or if you're fancy like my mum, trim it and shape the excess into little decorative leaves for the top. Seriously. I ask you. Faced with the choice, she goes for pastry leaves over a pastry skull and crossbones.

Prick the pie with a fork, or the teeth of your vampire friend, if you happen to have one.


You can glaze it with milk or egg. I don't bother. Bake it in the preheated oven for 20 minutes, then decrease the temperature to 160 and cook it for another ten minutes, or until it's golden brown.

At this point, you may suddenly remember you haven't fed the cat. Do so guiltily.


Ahh! Pie! Your guilty conscience will be soothed by its pleasant aroma.


Serve it immediately. This pie goes really nicely with salad.

To make a basic salad dressing, combine 2 parts olive oil to 1 part balsamic vinegar in a clean jar. Add a couple of cloves of crushed garlic, and sugar. Shake well. Taste. You will probably need to add more sugar. Adjust it until it's delicious.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Blue Wire Bracelet

This is a bracelet I realised I couldn't sell after I'd taken photos of it for Etsy. I wept tears of liquid tragedy when I realised it had a break in it. I don't think it's visible here - it was small.

I mucked around with the contrast in the pictures a bit, given that I'm not posting them on Etsy - these open wire jewellery pieces of mine are fun to photograph (sad but true). I like the potential for depth.



Because I'd knitted it of a thicker gauge of wire, it held its shape in waves when laid flat:


A pretty effect, thanks very much! I was on the verge of cutting it up and re-using the beads - they're antique Japanese seed beads - but decided it deserved to live and not be hacked to pieces, even though it's not for Etsy. I wove a bit more wire over the break, so it's good enough for me to wear. It's turned out to be a decent wee marketing tool. I am practically a billboard. Now all I need is a picture of a naked person taped to it, to better draw the eye.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

FOOD! Fettucine & Pesto

I've decided I need to give myself compulsory posting days to keep me updating regularly. So, Saturday is now FOOD Day. I'll post a new favourite recipe of mine every week. I'm a vegetarian, and I'll try to pop a vegan one in there every so often. :)

Tragically, I'm not very formulaic when I write about cooking - everything is sort of done by feel. So, here's a not-very-formulaic-but-delicious recipe for fettucine with pesto, presented in the form of interpretive dance! No wait I mean a montage. A photo montage.

For the pasta:
Eggs (free range - always! If you eat cage eggs, they will taste of despair.)
Pasta flour
Pasta machine

For the pesto:
Olive oil
Parmesan
Pine nuts (which are truly expensive here, so I used cashews)
Rocket or basil
Mortar and pestle or food processor

SEE?


So, this is how you make the pesto. You add very small amounts of each of the four ingredients to the mortar (or food processor) and crush them together, adding more of each as you go, tasting as you go. Do this until it looks like pesto. As for quantity, make sure there's a goodly blob for each person.




Now for the pasta! First of all, make sure you have the right flour. Don't use normal flour! No! Go to the shop and your INSTINCT will tell you which flour is the right flour. There will also be subtle clues, like it will have 'Pasta and Noodle Flour' written on the box.



Magic! That's the one! Now, crack four of your happy little free range eggs into a bowl. Add the pasta flour a handful at a time, stirring as you go. When it starts to clump, cast away the spoon. It's gone. Let it go. Use your hands. Keep mixing until it has a solid, slightly tacky texture. But only SLIGHTLY tacky - too wet and it won't roll. In my book, if you have with four eggs in there, your dough should be enough for three people.



And just so you know, the pineapple and zucchini in the background are irrelevant. There is no hidden pineapple and zucchini step here.

So now it's pasta machine time. Be aware. This is a two person job. Start on the first setting. Take half the dough. Roll it through. It will be lumpy and have holes in it. Fold it in half and roll it through again. Repeat this until it's starting to look smooth. Crank it up to the next setting and carry on rolling and folding. Then the next setting, and keep rolling it through, but don't fold it anymore. THEN, when it's getting REALLY smooth, crank it up to 5, which is the fettucine level.



Roll it through once or twice, then move it to the fettucine thing - if you have a pasta machine, you'll know where I mean. The bit that cuts the pasta into strands. Cut it in half and drape it over the back of a chair. Repeat the process for the second half of your dough.

We put ours over a chair on the table. Why? Because we have a dog with HUNGRY EYES.


You can't really tell in that picture, because apparently she was moving her face so fast it blurred, but trust me, she is a shifty creature.

Speaking of which, here's my little brother with the pasta, and our table chair in the background. I told him to smile, and this is the look he gave me. Sort of a conniving glower.



You see? Shifty creatures, both of them.

Now, bring some water to the boil in a large pot. Drop the fettucine in.


Why I have a picture of that, I don't know. Boil it for a couple of minutes. Really, only a couple. Don't overcook it! Fish a bit out with tongs and try it. When it's ready, drain it and toss it in a large bowl with all the pesto. Pour your finest goon (goon: also known as the cheap wine that comes in a box) into sparkling crystal glasses.


Yeah, class! Serve it up onto plate with the tongs. Commence eating.


If you don't have a pasta machine, buy yourself a packet of the nice stuff from a deli or somewhere to use instead. You know, dried egg pasta, or something like that.

Mmmm...I feel full.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Avine Irony

Imposters to the apple tree, casually feasting and looking pretty ironic. Check out the body language here. A person almost feels slighted.


For all my heartache over the loss of apples, it was quite touching how close they let me get. They just looked me over with the resigned air of fabulous beauties accustomed to admiration.